


I know, I remember

by emerwenaranel



Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:41:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23943301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emerwenaranel/pseuds/emerwenaranel
Summary: Morwen tells the tale from her side of the story.
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

I remember Ladros most vividly. I lived a happy life there, with my father. I remember him because I still love him too much. He was the one who taught me how to be strong and determined. I always looked up to him because he was a true fiery prince. I had to be like him in order to survive in this world. But I guess I am prouder than Baragund. For it is an honor to be his daughter. He taught me too much, about our ancestors and about the Eldar. But there were some things that he did not know about the Eldar, leaving them to my guessing. And I sensed the fact that the Elves had denied the light of Valinor.  
I could see it in their eyes, I could understand that when they averted their gaze. And father laughed because he said that nobody could be calm when I glanced at them. He said that there is a light in my eyes that reminds the Elves of their home, their true home. But I do not want to go to Valinor for I doubt that humans can go there. I am not curious to see the Undying Lands. I love Ladros, even though it has been destroyed and I doubt I can go back there. My beloved husband says we can reclaim the land we lost, the land I lost for everyone knows that I am the heiress of Ladros when uncle Beren fell in love with Luthien.  
I am optimistic sometimes, when I listen to the words of Hurin Thalion, I am an optimist. But I remember my fears when I am alone. What if we fail again? I fear so much that it is difficult to breathe but Hurin has the great ability to calm me down when he says that fear is a kind of wisdom. I know what I am afraid of because I know that we cannot do much without the Valar's help. But something must have happened between the Noldor and the Lords of the West because the latter do not seem so willing to help us all. The Eldar say that we, the mortals, are their only hope to survive and bring Morgoth down. I hope that they are right on that but my logic tells me something else. I cannot ignore what it says to me. I have to listen carefully.  
We will lose again, I know it. But I wish to see Hurin again. I hope he will come back from the battlefield. Alive. I wil wait for him here, despite his plea to leave if we lose this war. I do not want to leave our house. I must wait for him because I love him exceedingly. I do not want to leave because I know that Beleriand is wide and unwelcoming for exiles like me and Rian. My cousin is too kind and happy because she married my husband's brother. But I can tell that she will suffer more than me because she will lose her husband. I heard Huor saying that he has the gift of foresight, he knows he will die. I am sure that Rian will die of grief if she finds out that he will be dead.  
I wonder, I keep wondering if my husband dies as well. I cannot lose him because I am pregnant again. I am going to give birth to a daughter. But I have not chosen her name yet. I am thinking too much right now, wondering what I am supposed to do. But I have my son, my dearest Turin. He looks like me but he makes me think of his father because he is such a kind child. He still mourns for Urwen, the child we lost three years ago. He loved his sister so much but I always wondered if he showed how he felt for her. But I know that he always took care of her. He is too kind but he loves me as well. He likes my honesty, even though most people think I am too blunt. But I do not like lying.   
I know am too proud but I assume that pride keeps me alive in this cruel world. I am myself and I have to be strong for my children if my husband never comes back. I have to wait for him, hoping that I will hear his horse riding fast, returning home. And I will be happy again if Hurin comes back to me. This is the only thing that will make me happy. I want to be alive again. I want to feel free, and Hurin is the only one who can help me feel like this. I am so in love with him. I want to be with him until the end of our lives. We will be together again. In this life or in the afterlife.


	2. In love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morwen recalls all the times she spent with her husband.

I know that Hurin can be a fierce man, like his grandfather. There is a flame that constantly burns within him. But he is always tender with me  
I love him exceedingly because he always treats me well and I miss him every time he goes away. I know that it is his duty to fight but I cannot afford losing him. I want him to be with me forever but he will leave soon. Again. And I do not know if he comes back this time.  
I remember the first time we made love. It didn't hurt at all, even though I feared I would be torn apart. It didn't happen, because he was so sweet with me. I loved him even more that moment. I felt so close to him and I wanted to be by him forever. But he is the Lord of Dor-lomin, he has to be careful and fight. But he always came to me and he hugged me. I love his touch because he is so sweet and kind with me. I love him, despite the fact that I married him when I was still 18 years old. I was still underage but we were both in haste. We really wanted to wed.   
I love him even more now because I know him too well. He is so intelligent and brave. I deeply admire and respect my husband. I wish to see him again and talk to him about our daughter. The child I will bring to life in a few months. He will be so happy and I want the child to look like him. Just like Urwen, the dead Urwen. But this child will survive, I know it. I can feel her strength already. I want her to be strong and fearless. Unlike me. I am often scared of the future and I don't know what to do. But Hurin told me that this fear is a sign of wisdom because I know what I am afraid of.  
I wish I was not so scared, however. I do not want to be with him because I still love him too much. I want him to come back as soon as possible. I want to see his eyes and feel his touch. I cannot imagine my life without him. But I hope that the future will be kind to us all. We cannot afford losing another battle. I do not want to get hurt again. I have lost my father. He is long dead. I do not want to lose Hurin as well. But who knows what the future is about to bring? I have misgivings about the forthcoming battle. I hate feeling like this. I want to escape from myself. I need to have a walk. Alone. I need to remember every moment between me and Hurin before he goes to the battlefield.


	3. Her fiery prince

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morwen recalls her dearest father.

Ladros was so wonderful when I was a little girl. I remember every part of it. I used to walk in every corner with my father and laugh loudly. My father had the most amazing laughter, it was obvious that he loved spending time with me. When he had the chance, of course. War was between us too often and I hated it but I understood the necessity of fighting against the Enemy's servants. But I was the happiest girl in the world when he came back from battle.  
Baragund had a loving heart for me and for mother, even though he was cruel to the Dark Lord and his servants. He held me tightly and he was happy to be with me. He wished that this moment would last forever. I could tell that by his eyes. And I hoped the same thing. I want to remember him the way he was before we sundered at Dagor Bragollach. I want to remember his strength and valor. For he is one of the most courageous people I know. I wish he was still alive, he would have loved Hurin.  
But Baragund is long dead, he never had the chance to meet my husband. And this breaks my heart. But I have the best memories from him and it is a comfort in a world that is too dangerous and cold. I guess that people think I am cold of heart too, but I know I can love someone. I love those who deserve my respect. And father was a respectable man. So is my husband. I love them both, the living and the dead.  
But I wonder how I will be able to live without my husband if he doesn't come back from the battle. I have to be strong, just like he asked me to. Just like father asked me to when I saw him for the last time. I want to be the person they want me to be. I have to fight with gritted teeth and without tears. I want to be strong like my father. I will be strong, I have to.


	4. The end

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end is drawing near.

I cannot remember how I survived the orc attack. But I am ruined by the fact that I have to remember that I still exist. I wish I was dead. But I am still alive. I am still looking for my children. And I don't know if my husband is still alive. I guess he is the reason why I keep looking for the ones I love. I vividly remember his smile as I roam. I didn't know where I am going. To Brethil perhaps. Hurin said that it is a safe place.  
But it is not. Nobody is going to save me now. They are afraid of me, I can see that in their eyes. My teeth are broken and my glance is still fiery. This is the reason why they are so scared of me. They don't help me. They are walking away. They left me alone, staring at the tomb of my children. I have so many questions that are left without an answer.   
Hurin comes but he does not want to answer any questions. But his touch is comforting. It helps me understand that I am important to him. And he is important to me as well. I want to be with him all the time but I am spent. I am going to die at dawn and I will be free.


End file.
